Maco L. Faniel

Emerging Scholar – Writer – Speaker - Advocate

Monthly Archives: April 2014

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I wanna lend a helping hand But I don’t know if my hand adds more weight Don’t wanna add more load…

I wanna lend a helping hand

But I don’t know if my hand adds more weight

Don’t wanna add more load to your freight

You already carry too much stuff

I asked to carry some of it

But you wanna carry your own stuff

You’re are used to being tough

Cause you just had to

You wouldn’t give up that stuff if you could do

Or if I told you that I will never betray you

I wanna help you

Cause I see the God in you

The potential in you

But maybe helping you

Is allowing you to do you

Maybe I should cease my advice

Maybe I should just let it be.

Maybe I should just let you be.

Maybe I can’t help you like I want to

Maybe I should just help you

Like you need me to

Otherwise I aint really helping you

Only hurting you

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Why do the movies make it seem so possible Make it seem so easy Make me believe that everyone can…

Why do the movies make it seem so possible

Make it seem so easy

Make me believe that everyone can have it

And have it just the way the like it?

All of me

Wants all of you

All of me

Wants to shelter you

I know we’re just ordinary people

But I want to go to cloud nine

Not only cause you so fine

But because you know how to tap into those closed spaces in my mind

And in my heart

My heart belongs to you

And yours to me

But we aint even together

And we have not even met

But I love you because I know you exist

And your existence is a present

I be hearing about you in those love songs that I love to listen to

I be seeing you like I saw you today while walking

I saw you in the couple that lay on the grass with their baby in arm

I see you in the smile of lovers when they take those pictures that get posted to my timeline

I see you

And I want you

I got to have you

And I will have you

Not because I am nothing

Without you

But with you

I can be much better

I’m movement by myself

But a force when we are together

I wanna make you better

But why do the movies make it seem so possible

Make it seem so easy

Make me believe that everyone can have it

And have it just the way the like it?

Maco L. Faniel

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On this day, as I reflect on resurrection, I keep thinking about the practically of it. What does it…

On this day, as I reflect on resurrection, I keep thinking about the practically of it. What does it mean for my life and other peoples lives and how does it play out in my life and other people’s lives? For me, the moment is vain, if my daily life is not one of love or not focused on “the least of these.” If my faith only serves to reinforce political, social, gendered, class, knowledge, or cultural power than my faith is useless.

I strive for my faith to be practical, subversive, and empowering. For when I read the gospels, that is the Jesus that is revealed, a Jesus not only who came that I may live life abundantly, but also a Jesus who called for me to work to make sure that all others are able to live life abundantly. So, for me, the resurrection aint necessarily about a salvation from the depths of hell, but rather an opportunity for me to live now, in the face of all hell breaking loose on earth, and to work to make sure that others are able to live also.

Now aint that good news.

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Pain

I know what pain feels like

Not physical pain
But that pain that lingers over you
And gets inside of you
That tries to take over you
That begs for attention
That makes you wanna cry
But won’t allow you to cry
That slows you down
And tries to screw you
That chops you
That pain that makes you question you
It’s the pain that hides behind your eyes
That creates tension at the front of your head
That makes you wanna hide because you think everybody else can see your pain
But its only in your brain
Yet, its still a drain
I know that pain that you can’t hope away
That pain that you try to forget but at the moment everything gets quiet it speaks so loud.
That pain that is not easily triggered, but when it is it renders you immobile cause this pain makes you fragile and will still around for awhile unless dealt with
I know that pain that hurts
That pain that begins to change you
Because it’s the type of pain that overwhelms you and warps you
I know that pain that will keep you in the bed, in the dark, under the covers, for a few days, with no shower, that feels like what you think death might feel like.
I know that pain that gets deep down in your veins and clogs your arteries cause it’s the pain that slows down your heart.
I know that pain that causes anxiety cause it reads danger in almost every situation
I know that pain that you can’t resist.
I know that pain that makes you wanna control everything and everybody so that you won’t be reinjured.
I know that pain that don’t trust love, but easily finds more hurt.
I know that pain that is co-dependent.
It needs another hurting person to keep it company.
I know that pain that self-medicates
I know that pain that runs cause running seems to work all the time cause staying hurts so bad.
And when it hurts so bad, when it hurts so bad.
You shed many tears
And lord knows
That I have screamed “this can’t be life, there’s gotta be more”
I know that pain that has suicidal thoughts, that wanted the pain to go away, and hoped for the body to stay.
I know that pain that can’t find the words to pray causing you to just sit there and stare wondering if the spirit will actually make intercession if  you moan and groan.
I know that pain that’ll make you stay even though you know you need to go but the pain of leaving seems much worse than the pain of staying so you keep praying asking for a sign but the pain is so loud that you can’t hear the word.

 

I knew that pain.